You Earned Your Retirement Savings. Stop Feeling Guilty About Spending Them.

My neighbor Margaret is 76 years old. She has a healthy retirement account. She owns her home outright. Her pension covers her monthly bills. By any measure, she is in good financial shape.

Last spring, she told me she wanted to take a trip to Ireland. Her grandparents came from Cork, and she had always dreamed of seeing it. She had the money. She had the time. She had the health.

She did not go.

“I keep thinking about what I should leave for the kids,” she said. “What if they need it someday?”

Margaret’s kids are in their 50s. They have their own careers, their own homes, their own retirement accounts. They are fine. But Margaret sits at home, watching travel shows about a country she could afford to visit, because she feels guilty about spending her own money.

This makes me angry. Not at Margaret. At the culture that made her feel this way.

The Guilt Epidemic

Margaret is not unusual. I hear this from retirees all the time. They have saved for decades. They have been responsible. They have done everything right. And now that it is time to enjoy the fruits of their labor, they cannot bring themselves to do it.

The reasons are always the same:

“I should leave something for my children.”
“What if I need it for medical bills?”
“It feels selfish to spend on myself.”
“My parents never spent money on extras. I should not either.”

These feelings are real. I do not dismiss them. But I want to challenge them, because they are robbing good people of the retirement they earned.

Let Us Talk About the Inheritance Myth

There is a belief in American culture that good parents leave money to their children. The bigger the inheritance, the better the parent. If you die with a full bank account, you did it right.

I think this is wrong. And I think it causes real harm.

Your children do not need your money as much as you think they do. A study from the Federal Reserve found that the median inheritance in the United States is about $69,000. That is a nice amount, but it is not life-changing for most adults. It does not buy a house. It does not fund a retirement. It does not transform anyone’s financial picture.

You know what does change someone’s life? Watching their 76-year-old mother finally take the trip she always dreamed of. Seeing their father enjoy a hobby he put off for 40 years. Knowing their parents are happy, active, and living well.

Your children would rather have a happy parent than a bigger check after the funeral. If they would not, that is a different problem entirely.

The Math of Under-Spending

Here is something most people do not realize: under-spending in retirement is just as much of a financial mistake as over-spending.

Financial planners call it the “die with too much” problem. Retirees who save aggressively through their working years often cannot switch gears. They keep saving, keep cutting back, keep denying themselves, long after the need to save has passed.

The result? They die with hundreds of thousands of dollars they never enjoyed. Money that sat in accounts while they skipped vacations, drove old cars, and said “no” to experiences that would have brought them joy.

One study from the Employee Benefit Research Institute found that retirees with $500,000 or more in savings spent down less than 12% of their assets over the first 20 years of retirement. They barely touched it.

That is not financial wisdom. That is fear dressed up as responsibility.

Where the Guilt Comes From

I think the guilt comes from several places.

The Great Depression generation. Many of us were raised by parents or grandparents who lived through real scarcity. They taught us that saving was a virtue and spending was a risk. Those lessons were right for their time. But they do not always apply to ours.

The media. Every financial headline is about running out of money in retirement. “Will your savings last?” “The retirement crisis.” “Are you saving enough?” We are bombarded with fear. No wonder we are afraid to spend.

Family pressure. Sometimes the pressure is real. Adult children hint about inheritance. They mention the house, the accounts, the “family money.” This puts parents in an impossible position: feeling like their savings belong to someone else.

Gender roles. Women in particular are taught to put others first. Spending on yourself can feel selfish when you have spent your whole life taking care of everyone else. I see this in women my age all the time. We can spend on our grandchildren without blinking, but buying ourselves something nice? That feels wrong.

Permission to Spend

So let me say this clearly: you have permission to spend your money.

Not recklessly. Not foolishly. But freely, on things that make your life better.

You worked for decades. You paid your bills. You raised your children. You saved when saving was hard. You put off vacations and new cars and nice dinners because the money needed to go somewhere else.

It does not need to go somewhere else anymore. It can go to you.

Here are some things that are worth spending money on in retirement:

Travel. See the places you always wanted to see. Go while you can. Your knees do not get better with time.
Comfort. A good mattress. A comfortable chair. A warm coat. Quality shoes. These things matter more as you age, not less.
Experiences. Concerts, classes, workshops, meals with friends. Research shows that spending on experiences makes people happier than spending on things.
Health. A gym membership. A personal trainer. Physical therapy. Good food. Investing in your health pays dividends.
Hobbies. That woodworking setup. The art supplies. The camera you have been eyeing. The garden you want to build. This is what retirement is for.
Help. A house cleaner. A lawn service. A handyman. Outsourcing tasks that drain your energy gives you time for things you enjoy.

None of this is selfish. All of it improves your quality of life. And a better quality of life means fewer health problems, less depression, and more years of independence. Spending wisely on yourself is one of the smartest investments you can make.

What I Told Margaret

I sat with Margaret on her porch and told her what I thought. I told her that her kids would survive without a bigger inheritance. I told her that 76 years old is not too old for a dream. I told her that the money in her account was not a gift for the future. It was a reward for the past.

She listened. She nodded. She said, “But what if something happens?”

That is always the question. What if something happens?

Here is my answer: something is already happening. You are alive. You are healthy enough to travel. You have the means to do something wonderful. And every day you wait, that window gets a little smaller.

The “what if” that should scare you is not running out of money. It is running out of time.

A Word About Being Smart

I am not telling anyone to drain their savings or ignore their financial plan. Be sensible. Talk to your financial advisor. Make sure you have enough for healthcare and emergencies.

But once the basics are covered, stop hoarding. Stop living like you are one bad day from poverty when you are not. Stop treating your retirement savings like someone else’s money.

It is your money. You earned it. Spend it on a life worth living.

Margaret’s Update

I am happy to report that Margaret booked her trip. She is going to Cork in May. She bought a new suitcase and a guidebook. She has been practicing a few words of Irish Gaelic, though she laughs at her own pronunciation.

Her daughter called to say how excited she was for her mom. “I have been telling her to go for years,” she said.

The kids were never the problem. The guilt was.

If you are sitting on savings you are afraid to touch, let Margaret’s story be your permission slip. Go. Do. Spend. Live.

You have earned it.

Ellen Murphy is a retired financial educator and personal finance columnist based in Chicago. For corrections or updates, please contact us.

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